So now the hard part begins. We'll go home tonight and spend the evening with the kids, doing our usual activities. Dinner, baths, bedtime, but tonight we'll also explain to our 3 year-old that her brother has another "boo-boo" - inside his mouth this time, and that the doctors are going to fix it. She is somewhat familiar with this routine, from our last go-round. She'll be able to come see him (and us), and she was a trooper about it all last time. I'm hoping she is this time too.
We'll have to leave our house at 5:15 am to get him to All Children's in time, and his surgery is scheduled to begin at 7:30. I'm not looking forward to the moment when they take him from me, back to the anesthesiologist. It was rough last time, and now I've had 7 additional months to grow closer to my little man, and him to me.
It's tough to explain the emotions I feel. Part of me is happy that we can do this for him. Having this procedure will make eating easier, and his speech less effected. We are hoping it will help with his cough, and will decrease the likelihood of aspiration. Those are all good things!
However...it's really hard to know that I am willingly handing him off for a procedure that will cause him a lot of pain. It's my job to protect him from pain.
I wish I could explain what is happening to him. I wish I could make him understand that it is in his best interest, and that he will start to feel better very soon.
It's scary to know that he'll be under anesthesia.
I feel nervous about his recovery period, for much of which he will be at home. It's easier to handle everything when a nurse is a button-push away. Once we get home, if something comes up it's up to us to deal with it.
So the best I can do now is to pray and trust that he is in very capable hands. When he comes out of surgery, we'll be able to room in with him at the hospital, which is wonderful. He'll likely be in the PICU for about 24 hours, then moved to a room on a regular floor. We will hold him and love him and try to nurse him back to health as best we can.
We've received all sorts of calls, texts and emails from friends and family who are thinking about and praying for Deacon and for us. For those, we are very grateful. Continued thoughts and prayers are welcome and appreciated. We'll keep everyone posted!